THE "APP' THREAT

When we hear that the black and yellow taxis are on strike against the private cabs, we normally shrug our shoulders and say well that’s all they know to do, they must gear up for competition. Some say they deserve it, they would turn us down so often and refuse to ply on certain routes. Others tell me that after traveling in the private cabs, they would never travel by the taxis as they are so badly maintained, so smelly, so dirty.

My brief interaction with a black and yellow taxi driver set me thinking otherwise.

Yesterday I went searching for the old black and yellow taxi or what is popularly known in Mumbai as kali Pili (black, yellow) taxi. I had to travel a distance of just 1 km with my mother.

I checked with a parked taxi driver. He said “Madam why don’t you catch a auto rickshaw." I said I have to take my mother and she cannot sit on a rickshaw. He looked at me with empathy and said okay sit down.

I then asked him why he refused to ply a distance that would take him only 3 minutes, and he was anyway just parked. He said “Madam when you want to travel these short distances, you call us, otherwise you take the Ola or the Uber.”

I said “Yes, that’s true, but not because I reject you, but because the private cabs are more convenient. Like if I want to take my mother somewhere, private cabs come to the doorstep within 5 minutes and I don’t have to go out searching for a taxi."

“Then why not now," he asked.

Yes I realised that was unfair. For short distances, I preferred walking outside my colony and getting a taxi, instead of booking a private cab.

He then told me how there is no business nowadays. He said we get only short distances within the city. We don’t get any long distances now. He said earlier we would get short distances but we would get at least 2 or 3 long distances in a day and that would make us money. Besides our legs hurt doing too many short distances in bad traffic.

Add to that he said that while we have to wait in lines and queues for everything, be it for getting a licence, meter and having to pay heavy penalties all the time, the government has laid the red carpet for these private cabs.

I asked him why don’t the taxi drivers tell the taxi union to do something, maybe fight for a level playing field, make them more competitive. He said the union guy has eaten up all their money.

So what is the solution? Is it okay to let them die a ‘natural’ death, while we welcome the more efficient, dynamic, clean, reasonably priced private cabs (I don’t agree with the last but most say so).

It is the yellow and black taxi drivers that families traveled in for so many years and especially the times when very few owned a car. I would not think twice of catching a black and yellow taxi at 3 am in the morning, from work to home and so many times for the airport. Have we reported a rape incident in any of these taxis? I would be more scared to travel alone in private cabs, especially at odd hours. I don’t know where the drivers come from.

Besides the yellow and black taxi drivers are so efficient, they know everything about Mumbai, every nook and corner.

Compare that to private cab drivers and at times I want to laugh. The driver, when he cannot find the location, says my GPS is not showing your address. So I say why don’t you ask somebody. But they don’t know how to roll down the window and ask people. They are hooked to the GPS system and if it does not work, they don’t work (yes I know we are moving to the robotic system). At times it takes me 10 minutes to tell them where to come despite the technology!!

Besides the old taxi drivers are so chatty and give you so much of what is happening on ground.

Private cab fellows after a point veer towards arrogance and they at times don’t even turn up, don’ t take your calls (a reason why MERU cabs had a good start but then faced trouble, I can see a similar situation happening at Uber). A friend recently had booked a UBER to go to the airport early morning, neither did the driver turn up nor pick up the call. Many other similar cases.

So again, what is the solution for our old taxi drivers? Theirs is not the case like perhaps public sector banks, where we tell taxi drivers pull up your socks, otherwise don’t complain if foreign/private competition eats you up.

These taxi drivers need support and they have no financial backing. If they refuse some routes where they will not make money, they can’t help it. And mind you, we think private cabs think of us? If there is high demand at a particular point, there is surge pricing for sure and cabs are not available. So lets not fool ourselves that they are at our service.

Unlike PSUs where there is government backing, these taxi drivers have no strong financial partner or backing. They don’t know which direction to go, how to gear up for this competition, what to do. They are at a complete loss.

I think the solution can be simple. 1) A good leader 2) Infusing technology and a good app (and they will not even need a GPS system!) 3) Sprucing up of all the cabs.

If they turn out to be cheaper than the private cabs and come at my doorstep, they surely will give tough competition to the private cabs.

Or then let us take a picture of the yellow and black cab for posterity.

The Agony Over The National Anthem

I read a Facebook forward a month back where this girl says “This time at MAMI (Mumbai Film Festival), I did not stand during the playing of national anthem before the films. That was at least 3-4 times a day. I have to say that while the audience at MAMI was tolerant (no one attacked me or gave me dirty looks, or questioned me) there was only one other person who joined me in this sitting PROTEST. It felt good nonetheless. I hope the PROTEST catches on. BTW playing the national anthem in theatres amounts to insult according to a recent court ruling and home ministry communication. So don't feel pressurised to stand if don't feel like. Law is on your side.


There was a response to this tweet “ Well I wish people could show Rebellion for many other injustices than just this, and personally though not a great believer in any form of Patriotism across the world, not only India, yet I don’t think this is a great cause to Harp upon, court or no court, any ways people who cannot get up from their chair five times in a day are actually “Thakela” (drained out people).


I so agree with the response and I was quite baffled that you feel happy that you do not have to stand up for the national anthem. Our army is giving up their lives at the borders and here we talk of protesting about the playing and standing up during the national anthem. I am not able to understand people’s agony over this. Is it because of the attitude “ Hey Government, don’t force nationalism down my throat, you are not my boss.” I think largely it is that. Quite natural then that children tell these very parents “ don’t tell me what to do”. Because to me we are behaving that way. Cinema halls are anyway playing the national anthem and the court has no punishment or penalty if you don’t stand up. It is left to you. Sometimes in this confused world, it is important to bring that pride for your country time and again. I believe this is so important for the younger generation who go to cinema halls to watch movies.


I find the response of a well known filmmaker childish. Ram Gopal Verma tweets “ Shouldn’t the national anthem be played in all night clubs before drinking and dancing begins”. Shouldn’t national anthem be played in temples, churches and mosques before prayers begin.”. What is his agony, that only cinema halls are targeted?. Obviously the chosen place is the cinema hall where large crowds of all ages gather at one point of time and it is convenient to stand up and it does not disturb any proceedings.


The word Churches took me back to my convent school days. Before every class (we had 9 classes in a day), we had to stand up and say the prayer - Name of the father, and of the son and of the Holy spirit. One may look at it as a Catholic school forcing down its prayer. But nobody protested, neither parents or students. While many of us found it boring to stand up and say the prayers, but you do it mechanically. Somewhere you know the school is trying to instil in its children the importance of prayers.


I take a similar view to the standing up for the national anthem before watching a movie. Standing up for the national anthem, maybe at least once a week or a month (or maybe everyday for some:)) keeps reminding us the pride we have or must have for our country.


Lets view our government as parents and we their children. I think sometimes it is okay to force some things which are totally harmless and effortless but may be for the larger good. And lets not waste time PROTESTING.

DEMONETISATION – WHY THE PESSIMISM?

I just had this chat/argument/advice session with the owner of the shop from where I buy dry fruits. I always pay him in cash. I called him to tell him that when the goods are delivered home I will be paying in cheque. He said no Madam, we never accept cheques. I said come on, there is shortage of cash you know, you need to change your systems and then I took the name of our Prime Minister on how he is working hard to clean up our economy. He was furious. He said let Modiji do whatever he wants, why should we suffer. I questioned him suffer? Can you not bear some pain for long term gain? And then I asked him what is the big pain for you to take a cheque. He said Madam Modi thinks he can change and eliminate black money but people must change. I got angry. I told him you mean to say we should not do anything because people will not change. I said a drop in the ocean makes all that difference. He tells me but those people will take all the water from the ocean and make it dry!! I told him don’t be so pessimistic. Who is PM Modi doing all this for, for us, for your children I told him. But he refused to be taken by all this upright talk. He said Madam why should we suffer. My goods are lying unsold. We are not getting credit from our suppliers. And then he said I have 3 cheques with me from customers that have bounced. If you are ready to honour them, I will continue to take cheques. I asked him are these your frequent customers. He said yes and they are from all these towers (meaning rich people). He told me you may be honest but how can I take a cheque when my experience has been bad. Well he did shut my mouth up. I realised he had a point, PEOPLE NEED TO CHANGE AND THAT’S WHERE ALL THE ROADBLOCKS COME FROM. We all need to have cooperated to make this work. But we did not. We only raised or pointed our fingers at all that was wrong.

When a journalist told me a few years back that fake or counterfeit money is coming in trucks from the borders, I was shocked as I had heard it for the first time, but many tell me it is happening for years. This can have so many repercussions. Read this article which says that troubles in J&K have stopped suddenly because of demonetisation http://postcard.news/violence-jammu-kashmir-suddenly-stopped/. But when fake money was filtering in, was it headline news in any paper or did I miss it? Did these very same critics point out why the government is not doing anything about it? Was there much noise made? Now the critics are fast at giving reasons why demonetisation is not the solution.

Nevertheless it is one big step in the right direction. Involuntary disclosure is not voluntary and so it is going to create hardships. I thus cannot accept criticisms against demonetisation. I know that it is easy for me to say this with a credit and debit card in my hand and I am no trader or farmer. But we need to take these hard steps. The government has only to lose with this announcement. It may just lose votes. So here is one step not done for the vote bank but again we are up and ready to criticize. What is the intention? The intention is good. The intention is honest. To clean our system of black money. Is this the best route critics ask? Why make people suffer critics ask? There are many other ways critics say. But the fact is that for years we really did not do anything.

Yes its true that a big fault lies with the government on the preparedness of the scheme. They should have thought it through, especially making ATMs ready to withdraw new cash (but that would have taken some time and between that the danger was of the news being leaked). I may digress here but I suggest to the government that be it demonetisation or be it Swachh Bharat or even Health information like prevention of the spread of Tuberculosis, government needs to build an added machinery where it has government appointed people going to the poor, rather than the poor seeking the government in long queues. We did have some such system in the past. Where government people visit the slums, the rural areas and educate the poor. Here in the case of demonetisation too, the government could have set up a bank extension scheme (or for that matter even employed bank correspondents) at various slums, rural locations and set up distribution systems.

The people do understand what is good and bad for them. Maids, drivers in my locality never complained. They did say what a big problem it is but they managed. That’s the spirit they have. They are eager to be a part of the clean system and be a part of developing India. Look how they adapted to mobile phones. How they have gone on to open bank accounts. How they yearn that their children have ENGLISH education despite the big donations schools ask even them! (well hopefully demonetisation does address that issue). They would be even better off if the government goes to them. The Prime Minister’s Mann ki baat initiative is a good communication system but the mass may not have the infrastructure or the time to listen to it.

Well white is the colour in fashion. USA voted for white people (not a good thing), we vote for white money (a very good thing).

MUMBAI FILM FESTIVAL (MAMI)

The Mumbai Film Festival (MAMI) held during October of this year was my first at a film festival.  Movies at film festivals portray life and its emotions in a very raw form, missing in movies with a commercial twist.

The first movie I saw at the festival was APPRENTICE, the story of a brother and a sister dealing with the hanging of their father for a murder he committed. Each and every scene and dialogue sets a chain of thoughts of life and its circumstances. The son deals with his father’s death by working at the same prison his father was hanged. He finally becomes the apprentice to the chief executioner of the prison, the very man who executed his father. The sister finds escape in a man she does not love but wants to marry and run away to a place nobody knows her. The sister asks her brother one day "did you tell at the prison whose son you are" and he responds with a question "did you tell your boyfriend who your father was". Deep emotions that show each is questioning the escape path the other has taken for a crime they did not commit but for which they will be executed their whole lives. It is then for the first time I saw a movie like a painting. It for you to decide how you look at the painting. So many untold colours within the main picture.

Another such movie was RED TURTLE. It is a simple animation story of a man swept away to a tropical island. As he attempts to cross the sea, he is disrupted by a Red Turtle twice. The Turtle brings down his makeshift boat. When he finds out that it is the Red Turtle that is toppling his moves, he beats her with a stick. And then regrets and nurtures her back to life. The Turtle takes the form of a woman. He almost makes his third attempt to cross the sea but the woman lures him back to the lonely Tropical Island. He then stays on. All through the movie, one gets to see nature in its most beautiful form- the rains, the sky, the birds, the mountains and I almost wish I was lost in an island so beautiful. The couple give birth to a son. One day Tsunami strikes. Post that the teenage son decides to leave the island and go on his own. He leaves behind beautiful nature, beautiful parents, perhaps to go to a city. The film finally ends with the man becoming old and dying and the woman goes back to her home and her identity – The Turtle and the sea. The filmmaker says he got the idea of featuring a Turtle who changes to a human, when he would see Turtles making a difficult attempt to come to the beach, digging, laying eggs, filling the pits, almost like humans and then going back to infinity – to the sea. Here again so many philosophies of life to think upon.

The film BACALAUREAT or Graduation was not on many recommended list of movies to see but worth the watch. In these days of big money and corruption scandals, it is quite surprising to see a movie set around the dishonesty in trying to rig exam paper marks and its repercussions. The father, a doctor, wants his daughter to get out of the small Romanian town, which has a large crime rate and there is not much development. He wants her to do her graduation at a University in London. For that she has to get high scores. She is a stellar student but just a day before the exams, there is an attempt to rape her. That turns everyone’s life upside down. The father is known in his field to be a very reputed and honest doctor. He against his own wish and the wish of his family meets the principal of his daughter’s school to request him to rig the marks if she is unable to answer her papers well. The principal, again a very honest principal, is forced to oblige. This because he gets a call from a notorious politician who helped him once when he was in need and this politician wants to oblige with the father doctor who is to do a major operation on him. The police come to question the politician at the hospital for some money deals and they tell the doctor they have records of his conversation with the politician about rigging the exam papers. Life is dictated by our circumstances and we don’t realise a small wrong step may lead to a big error and crime.

The movie AQUARIUS, tells you that real estate mafia is existing all over the world and not only in your country. The movie is about this old woman who refuses to sell her beautiful beach home where she has lived for many years. A very interesting dialogue in the movie is when she tells her children “ Do you know how difficult it is to live with the fact that you are not crazy but the world calls you crazy”. The building is empty as all the other residents have been lured by the real estate agent. Her children tell her to give up, one obvious reason is for the money but more for her security. She meets with a lot of resistance and opposition from everyone. That includes her neighbour who she knew as a kid and now a man. He calls her selfish and tells her she is not thinking of others who have vacated the building a long time back. It so well depicts the life situation that when you are alone in prevailing on what is right, it is hard to keep going. Most of the times we give up wondering whether it is worth it at all. The movie does have a lot of sex thrown in which is out of place at times. The movie ends with a shocking scene showing the extent to which real estate developers can go to. Few common methods are organising late night parties and creating noise and commotion to disturb her but most shocking is when they put hordes of termites in the flat above to make the structure weak. An interesting character shown is that of this young grandson of the founder of the real estate company. He has just come back with a business degree and this is his first project. He will do anything to make it a success for him. He is shown as suave, well-dressed with a pleasing personality and a smiling face which the old lady remarks is so fake. He may have a business degree but he has lost all emotions. The old lady remarks how uneducated common people have much more human compassion.

The movie NERUDA based on Chilean poet Pablo Neruda not only gives you his beautiful poetry but gave me one simple message – either have Poetry or humour in life or humour in poetry or poetic humour that will beautify and lighten, not only you, but even the enemies chasing you in life.

AFTER THE STORM is again a movie depicting so many life emotions. It is about a man who is a writer by heart but earns his money working as a detective. It interestingly depicts the role of money in the life of writers. He resorts to gambling to make his two ends meet but is not always lucky. Financial problems and gambling leads to his divorce and his wife takes custody of their son. The movie starts with scenes showing his mother, sister and him talking of their father who too was a writer and resorted to gambling and created hardships in their life. There are dialogues where the mother says to her son how relieved she is now that her husband has died and tells him she has thrown away all of his things. Soon the son realises he too is like his father who was misunderstood. His mother loved her husband and is merely trying to act as if she does not in front of her children. The movie also beautifully depicts the problems of old people living alone and the mother son relationship. The mother is saddened about her son’s divorce. She knows that he loves his wife and the wife too loves him but cannot face up to the hardships. Her grandson comes often to meet her and likes her. One day her son and grandson visit her. Later in the evening the wife comes to collect her son. There is a strong storm outside and it is advised to stay indoors. The mother tells all of them to stay the night as it is risky to travel. She hopes this may bring them back together. The night does bring all of them closer but yet love alone cannot keep the home fires burning.

All in all fantastic movies from across the world which brought out human life situations, that are universal, whichever country, whichever religion, whichever culture you may come from.

TWISTY TALE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

Rohan today I need you to complete that research report on Zika Pharma.

Yes sir for sure, it is a very interesting topic. Sir I will complete it by evening of today.

Great Rohan.

This is a challenging assignment. Does the medicine for Zika really work? Let me google to understand where Zika originated from.

Hey what’s this – whats app message from my old lost college buddy in our college group. Let me send him some bad words, where was he absconding for so many years.

Ha this joke on Trump and Modi is so funny. Ha, ha my crazy cousin whats app group has at least 5 funny jokes every day. Let me forward it to my other groups.

Ok now what was I doing… yes research on Zika.

What’s this – a man jumps from 20,000 feet without a parachute! Wow this youtube video is awesome man. I must tell Chintu about this, he will be amazed. Let me email him the link.

I got 6 followers on Twitter today and 3 have unfollowed. Don’t understand why people follow if they want to unfollow. Just because I did not follow them back. So silly man, how childish 'mature' people can be.

This foreign analyst is supporting Trump on Twitter. Damn it. I will give him a piece of my mind. Let me send him that article on Trump I read the other day and shut his big mouth. Has he no sense saying that Trump will bring progress to America if he becomes the President of US. Now where did I save that article. Let me check in my email or was it on my whats app or did somebody send it to me on FB? I need to find that article.

Rohan how is the research going on, did you find anything interesting?

Err, Oh Sir, I am still analysing it.

Ok fine.

Man now let me get back to my research. Zika Pharma makes medicines to cure Zika virus. Somebody has made an allegation that the medicines really don’t work and it is a fraud company.

That foreign analyst has replied to my tweet. He says how can I comment on Trump sitting in India and what do Indians know. How stupid is that, does he not know we are living in a global world. Let me give it back to him.

Hey what’s this, my old buddy is coming to Mumbai. Ok let me see when I can meet up with him and let him know. He has said to add him as friend on Facebook. Hey man what is your FB profile? Oh he cannot find me. Ok let me go to FB and add him. There I found him. He is married with two kids. When did that happen? His kids look so sweet. Look at these lovely pictures he has posted on FB.

And my God 100 people have liked my profile photo I posted yesterday with my new motorbike. Hey Rashmi says I look hot. What a great time I had dating Rashmi back in college. Memories, lovely memories, I want to be lost in them. Can’t forget you Rashmi. Sandeep says the motorbike makes me look young. Charu says the motorbike makes me look thinner. Ha, Raju says I am looking now more like my father.

It is already 5 pm.

Rohan so what time will you be able to give me the research report

Oh sir I need more time as I found something very interesting and I need to look into it.

Rohan you had the whole day to prepare the one page research report. Come on we can’t be taking so much time.

Sir please I will give it to you first thing in the morning.

So 9 am in the morning in my mailbox.

Sure sir.

You have eaten your dinner so quickly. Why did you bring work home? Is not 14 hours at office enough. Why do bosses make their employees work so hard.

My dear wife, I have to give this report tomorrow morning, so I will be awake most night.

What will happen to your health? Why do you need to work so hard?

Now don’t argue and let me work.

Sir did you see the report.

Yes Rohan very nice work, well done. But why are your eyes red?

Sir actually I am not keeping well. I seem to have a fever. Can I take the day off sir?

But Rohan we need to urgently get the research report out on dengue and then malaria.

Err, sir

You need to give me at least one of the reports by today.

Sir please can I give it tomorrow morning by 9?

Ok then 9 am in my mailbox.

I can’t do any research today, my head is splitting.

Let me not waste a day, let me put those photos of my weekend trip to Kanheri Caves on FB. It will brighten up my day. Some of those photos I need to transfer to my phone and then whats app to my 30 groups.

Again you bring work home? Why do they give you so much work? And you have no time for me.

Listen Sheela, don’t irritate me now, I have to work, I need to give a report by tomorrow 9 am.

Well in that case we may soon head for divorce.

Well I will think of divorce later, now I have to think of Dengue.

Sir the report on dengue.

Thank you Rohan, you are indeed very efficient.

THE IMPORTANCE OF A SENSE OF HUMOR

Excerpts from the book The Importance Of Living By Lin Yutang

For who have started wars for us? The ambitious, the able, the clever, the scheming, the cautious, the sagacious, the haughty, the over-patriotic, the people inspired with the desire to ‘serve’ mankind, people who have a ‘career’ to carve and an ‘impression’ to make on the world, who expect and hope to look down the ages from the eyes of a bronze figure sitting on a bronze horse in some square. Curiously, the able, the clever, and the ambitious and haughty are at the same time most cowardly and muddle-headed, lacking in the courage and depth and subtlety of the humorists. They are forever dealing with trivialities, while the humorists with their greater sweep of mind can envisage larger things. As it is, a diplomat who does not whisper in a low voice and look properly scared and intimidated and correct and cautious is no diplomat at all….. But we don’t even have to have a conference of international humorists to save the world. There is a sufficient stock of this desirable commodity called a sense of humor in all of us.
When Europe seems to be on the brink of a catastrophic war, we may still send to the conferences our worst diplomats, the most ‘experienced’ and self assured, the most ambitious, the most whispering, most intimidated and correct and properly scared, even the most anxious to ‘serve’ mankind. If it be required that at the opening of every morning and afternoon session, ten minutes be devoted to the showing of a Mickey Mouse picture, at which all the diplomats are compelled to be present, any war can be averted.
This I conceive to be the chemical functions of humor to change the character of our thought. I rather think that it goes to the very root of culture, and opens a way to the coming of the Reasonable Age in the future of human world. For humanity I can visualize no greater ideal than that of the Reasonable Age. For that after all is the only important thing, the arrival of a race of men imbued with a greater reasonable spirit, with greater prevalence of good sense, simple thinking, a peaceable temper and a cultured outlook. The ideal world for mankind will not be a rational world, nor a perfect world in any sense, but a world in which imperfections are readily perceived and quarrels reasonably settled. For mankind, that is frankly the best we can hope for and the noblest dream that we can reasonably expect to come true. This seems to imply several things: a simplicity of thinking, a gaiety in philosophy and a subtle common sense, which will make this reasonable culture possible. Now it happens that subtle common sense, gaiety of philosophy and simplicity of thinking are characteristic of humor and must arise from it.

It is difficult to imagine this kind of new world because our present world is so different. On the whole our life is too complex, our scholarship too serious, our philosophy too sombre, and our thoughts too involved. The seriousness and this involved complexity of our thought and scholarship make the present world such an unhappy one today.

Now it must be taken for granted that simplicity of life and thought is the highest and sanest ideal for civilization and culture, that when a civilization loses simplicity and the sophisticated do not return to the unsophistication, civilization becomes increasingly full of troubles and degenerates. Man then becomes the slave of the ideas, thoughts, ambitions and social systems that are his own products. Mankind, overburdened with this load of ideas and ambitions and social systems, seems unable to rise above them. Luckily, however, there is a power of the human mind that can transcend all these ideas, thoughts and ambitions and treat them with a smile, and this power is the subtlety of the humorist. Humorists handle thoughts and ideas as golf or billiard champions handle their balls, or as cowboy champions handle their lariats. There is an ease, a sureness, a lightness of touch, that comes from mastery. After all, only he who handles his ideas lightly is master of his ideas, and only he who is master of his ideas is not enslaved by them. Seriousness, after all, is only a sign of effort, and effort is a sign of imperfect mastery. A serious writer is awkward and ill at ease in the realm of ideas as a nouveau riche is awkward, ill at ease and self-conscious in society. He is serious because he has not come to feel at home with his ideas.

Simplicity, then paradoxically is the outward sign and symbol of depth of thought. It seems to me simplicity is about the most difficult thing to achieve in scholarship and writing. How difficult is clarity of thought, and yet it is only as thought becomes clear that simplicity is possible. When we see a writer belabouring an idea, we may be sure that the idea is belabouring him.

This is proved by the general fact that the lectures of a young college instructor, freshly graduated with high honors, are generally abstruse and involved, and true simplicity of thought and ease of expression are to be found only in the words of the older professors. When a young professor does not talk in pedantic language , he is then positively brilliant and much may be expected of him. What is involved in the process from technicality to simplicity, from the specialist to the thinker, is essentially a process of digestion of knowledge, a process that I compare strictly to metabolism. No learned scholar can present to us his specialized knowledge in simple human terms until he has digested that knowledge himself and brought it into relation with his observations of life. Between the hours of his arduous pursuit of knowledge (let us say the psychological knowledge of William James), I feel there is many a ‘pause that refreshes’ like a cool drink after a fatiguing journey. In that pause many a truly human specialist will ask himself the all important question” What on earth am I talking about?” Simplicity presupposes digestion and the maturity: as we grow older our thoughts become clearer, insignificant and perhaps false aspects of a question are lopped off and cease to disturb us, ideas take on more definite shapes and long train of thought gradually shape themselves into a convenient formula which suggests itself to us one fine morning, and we arrive at that true luminosity of knowledge which is called wisdom. There is no longer a sense of effort, and truth becomes simple to understand as it becomes clear, and the reader gets that supreme pleasure of feeling that truth itself is simple and its formulation natural.

Now it is natural that the sense of humor nourishes this simplicity of thinking. Generally, a humorist keeps closer touch with facts, while a theorist dwells more on ideas, and it is only when one is dealing with ideas in themselves that his thoughts get incredibly complex. The humorist, on the other hand, indulges in flashes of common sense or wit, which show up the contradictions of our ideas with reality with lightning speed thus greatly simplifying matters. Constant contact with reality gives the humorist a bounce and also a lightness and subtlety. All forms of pose, sham, learned nonsense, academic stupidity and social humbug are politely and effectively shown the door. Man becomes wise because man becomes subtle and witty. All is simple. All is clear. It is for this reason that I believe a sane and reasonable spirit, characterized by simplicity of living and thinking, can be achieved only when there is a very much greater prevalence of humorous thinking.

TWISTY TALE OF COMMUNICATION

Speak my language my man, speak my language
Sir I am speaking your language, I am speaking English

How many languages do you speak?
Sir four – Tamil, Hindi, Marathi and English

Do you know how many languages are spoken in India?
Sir I think around 22 but sir did you know we have close to 1,000 or more dialects!!!!

So what, communication my man is very important
If you don’t communicate properly, I think something, you think something,
I think you are something, you think I am something
So many unnecessary misinterpretations
Misinterpretations leads to a dead end
You know dead end; you cannot take a right or a left
Yes sir, cannot move further down
So communicate clearly

Take the case of Indian Prime Minister Modi
How many countries has he travelled since he got elected?
I don’t know sir, I think must be surely 100
No 30 countries
People say he was like a tiger caged in India for the past 10 years
Now he is free and wants to shake global hands and wear global clothes
He is uncommunicative on the motive of these foreign tours
So people make their own stories, they misinterpret and then what happens?
Sir dead end sir, dead end, no right, no left
Yes, you are absolutely right

Sir I think you can communicate properly by screaming
Screaming? What do you mean?
Sir all these TV channels follow that style of communication
They have debates where they scream
You are confusing everything man, debate means screaming
Sir I am confused, they are also communicating right?
Why do you get confused with such simple things?
Debating means screaming and screaming is not communicating, so debating is not communicating, its so simple
Oh yes sir, now I understand

So I say speak my language, speak my language
Sir I am speaking your language, I am speaking English.

TWISTY TALE OF INDIAN INFLATION

My goodness me, one kilo apple costs Rs 250
Yeah better to avoid apples these days
You heard Amazon is selling Apple mini i-pad for only Rs 15,000
Rs 15,000 only, wow man what a deal, I am going to get one for both my sons
Hey need to pick up the book – Nine Lives, In search of Modern India by William Dalrymple
Look at this man, the book costs Rs 400/-, too much for one book
Forget it yaar, will live one life instead of nine lives, ha, ha
Blackberrys is having a sale, shirts for only Rs 500
Forget Indian brands, quality sucks, can’t vouch for their quality
And come on there is the prestige issue too
Yes like they say wear your brand on your collar
Lets go and buy a shirt from Marks & Spencer
But they are bloody expensive yaar, Rs 4000 plus
Sometimes you need to pay for the brand rather than the shirt
Wearing a Mark Spencer shirt with an apple-ipad in hand, I went to see the Indian doctor
Your haemoglobin is low, blood pressure high and you have put on 6 kilos in the last 3 months says the doctor
The doctor prescribes some Multinational brand medicines
Why not Indian brands doctor, I ask, foreign brands are so bloody expensive
Indian brands suck says the doctor
This doctor must be getting a fat commission on these brands, I think
Well he thinks he is smart, I go and buy the same medicines of Indian brands
My body aches and is feeling weak for many months now
I meet another doctor
He asks “ are you eating fruits, are you eating apples, a apple a day will keep me away you know”
But doctor apples are so costly
Well my fees are too

SUMMING UP BY SOMERSET MAUGHAM

EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK SUMMING UP BY SOMERSET MAUGHAM

The great tragedy of life is not that men perish, but that they cease to love. Not the least of the evils of life, and for one which there is small help, is someone whom you love no longer loves you. When La Rochcfoucauld discovered that between two lovers there is one who loves and one lets himself be loved, he put in an epigram the discord that must prevent men from achieving in love perfect happiness. However much people may resent the fact and however much deny it there can surely be no doubt that love depends on certain secretions of the sexual glands. In the immense majority these do not continue indefinitely to be excited by the same object and with advancing years, they atrophy. People are very hypocritical in this matter and will not face the truth. They so deceive themselves that they can accept it with complacency when their love dwindles into what they describe as a solid and enduring affection. As if affection had anything to do with love!. Affection is created by habit, community of interests and convenience and the desire of companionship. It is a comfort rather than an exhilaration. We are creatures of change, change is the atmosphere we breathe and is it likely that the strongest but one of all our instincts should be free from this law? We are not the same persons this year as the last; nor are those we love. It is a happy choice if we, changing, continue to love a changed person. Mostly, different ourselves, we take a desperate pathetic effort to love in a different person, the person we loved. It is only because the power of love when it seizes us seems so mighty that we persuade ourselves that it will last forever. When it subsides we are ashamed, duped, blame ourselves for our weakness, whereas we should accept our change of heart as a natural effect of our humanity. The experience of mankind has led them to regard love with mingled feelings. They have been suspicious of it. They have as often cursed as praised it. The soul of man, struggling to be free, has except for brief moments looked upon the self surrender that it claims as a fall from grace. The happiness it brings may be the greatest of which man is capable, but it is seldom unalloyed. It writes a story that generally has a sad ending. Many have resented its power and angrily prayed to be delivered from its burden. They have hugged their chains but knowing they were chains hated them too. Love is not always blind and there are few things that cause greater wretchedness that to love with all our heart someone who you know is unworthy of our love.

But loving-Kindness is not coloured with that transitoriness which is the irremediable defect of love. It is true that it is not entirely devoid of the sexual element. It is like dancing, one dances for the pleasure of the rhythmic movement and it is not necessary that one should wish to go to bed with one’s partner; but it is a pleasant exercise only if to do so would not be disgusting. In loving-kindness the sexual instinct is sublimated, but it lends the emotion something of its own warm and vitalizing energy. Loving-kindness is the better part of goodness. It lends grace to the sterner qualities of which this consists and makes it less difficult to practice those minor virtues of self-control and self-restraint, patience, discipline and tolerance which are the passive and not very exhalirating elements of goodness. Goodness is the only value that seems in this world of appearances to have any claim to be an end in itself. Virtue is its own reward. I am ashamed to have reached so commonplace a conclusion. With my instinct for effect I should have liked to end my book with some startling and paradoxical announcement or with a cynicism that my readers would have recognized with a chuckle as characteristic. It seems I have little more to say than can be read in any copybook or heard from any pulpit. I have gone a long way round to discover what everyone already knew.

I have little sense for reverence. But when now and then I have come across real goodness I have found reverence rise naturally in my heart. It has not seemed to matter then that its rare possessors were perhaps sometimes a trifle less intelligent than I should have liked them to be. When I was a small boy and unhappy I used to dream night after night that my life at school was all a dream and that I should wake up to find myself at home again with my mother. Her death was a wound that fifty years have not entirely healed. I have long ceased to have that dream; but I have never quite lost the sense that my living life was a mirage in which I did this and that because that was how it fell out, but which, ever while I was playing my part in it, I could look from a distance and know for the mirage it was. When I look back on my life, with its successes and its failures, its endless errors, its deception and its fulfillments, its joys and miseries, it seems to me strangely lacking in reality. Its shadowy and unsubstantial. It may be that my heart having found rest nowhere, had some deep ancestral craving for God and immortality which my reason would have no truck with. In default of something better it has seemed to me sometimes that I might pretend to myself that the goodness I have not so seldom after all come across in many of those I have encountered on my way had reality. It may be that in goodness we may see, not a reason for life nor an explanation of it, but an extenuation. In this indifferent universe, with its inevitable evils that surround us from the cradle to the grave, it may serve not as a challenge or a reply, but as an affirmation of our own independence. It is the retort that humour makes to the tragic absurdity of fate. Unlike beauty, it can be perfect without being tedious, and, greater than love, time does not wither its delight. But goodness is shown in right action and who can tell in this meaningless world what right action is? It is not action that aims at happiness; it is a happy chance if happiness results. Plato, as we know, enjoined upon his wise man to abandon the serene life of contemplation for the turmoil of practical affairs and thereby set the claim of duty above the desire for happiness; and we have all of us, I suppose, on occasion adopted a course because we thought it right though we well knew that it could bring us happiness neither then nor in the future. When then is right action? For my own part the best answer I know is that given by Fray Luis De Leon. To follow it does not look so difficult that human weakness quails before it as beyond its strength. With it I can end my book. The beauty of life, he says, is nothing but this, that each should act in conformity with his nature and his business.

Lets think ‘Quality’ and not ‘Quantity’ of life in India

I have always wondered how our Prime Minister feels when he lands in India from so many of his foreign trips. As I always land with a love for my country but a very distant hope that it will ever offer us the quality of life that exists abroad. After a holiday in Europe this May, well like every other Indian, you come back wondering whether we will ever move away from fighting for our basic facilities to actually living a quality life.

Population is the root of all our living problems – crowded trains, queues, small houses, no living space, even the very few public gardens we have will always be crowded, increasing traffic. Result - We Indians don’t walk even when destinations are walkable. I remember always walking to the Bandra station which is just a 12 minute walk from home, right from college to 10 years back. Now this station has been voted the worst of all and you don’t even want to go there. With pavements filled with slums or broken or filled with hawkers, walking is a bad option anywhere.

That slowly leads majority of us to opt for our own vehicle. Trains are packed like sardines, buses take too long to arrive and then take too long to reach the destination. Well I was about to write crowded buses as earlier we always had people hanging out of the buses, not anymore. Improvement? No most have moved to private transport. Rickshaws and taxis never want to go where you want to go. And well even if you think “Public transport’ there comes the Indian ‘Prestige issue’ which so loudly tells you “ Hey you travel by train or bus, you are a loser”. So hello to air-conditioned Ubers and Olas, apart from which, today’s younger generation of middle class know no transport (and come to think of it taxi is still a luxury abroad). Nowadays you don't hear the pennies in youngsters’ pockets as they are always full of notes!, as parents themselves admit they have laid the red carpet for them.

Well after we have worked out the most comfortable mode of transport for ourselves, we still may end up taking an hour or more for distances of 10 km or less. Then we come home so tired, that especially women in India hardly take time out to exercise. And again in India one rarely leaves office on time!!, that is at 5.30-6 pm. My female computer engineer friend told me the other day that she used to reach office at 10 am and work hard and leave at 6 pm exact. One day her boss called her and said this will not work, ours is not a 9 to 5 job, she was shocked. So if you arrive at work on time, leave on time, don’t waste time in between, work hard, complete your projects, you don’t take as many smoke breaks as others, it does not matter, you still are NOT WORKING HARD. The Indian boss mentality which never goes away. By the way that leads many women to actually rethink on working full time because full time is 12 hours!

So all these small things (small!!) adds up and leads us to a unhealthy country. I really don't know whether double digit GDP growth, in the absence of any living or city planning, will automatically transport us to better quality of life. Hence at times I am not even joyous when the government says we are to set to grow at double digits. As what is the extra money really going to bring us, the ability to pay for our hospital bills?

I was wondering whether I think these thoughts because I live in the most unplanned and crowded city of Mumbai. Well it could be better in Tier-1 and Tier 2 cities. But really no. Look at Pune. I mean cities want to build and build and build with no city planning whatsoever and accommodate more and more and more without really providing basic quality of life.

There should be a study to indicate how much dust Indians inhale everyday. Despite the normal flow of regular dust (why is there more here and always?) our construction methods continue to be old age, digging for days together and exposing the entire construction vicinity to dust for years together (recently senior age people living in a colony in western suburbs complained of breathing problems caused by a highway construction just outside where they live)

Well quality of life can be improved even by keeping an eye on how to boost tourism. Very evident while walking in Austria through spick and span 17th century buildings, surrounded by open no traffic zones, listening to lovely street music, enjoying coffee and drinks. The body and mind has lots of space to de-stress in major cities too unlike in India.

More importantly it brought to me how they promote tourism and at the same time have space to enjoy themselves. Really simple things, which while attracting tourism will also upgrade the quality of our infrastructure and consequently our lives. Like when I met the tourism secretary of Karnataka some months back, I was telling him how the Mysore Palace beats the Windsor Castle any day in its beauty and magnificence. While Windsor Castle sees queues of foreign tourists, at Mysore Palace we mostly see our own Indians. And he had a valid point to make. He said we don’t provide an ecosystem around our tourist spots. Like if someone comes and visits the Mysore Palace and spends three hours there, he then wants to relax, enjoy some drinks, do some shopping and there is absolutely nothing around the place. And that’s what Austria has done beautifully, small places with 13th to 17th century homes are surrounded by shops, street music and then it just becomes a tourist spot!!.

Imagine the culture we have and how much we can sell around a tourist spot in an organized fashion. Not in the present haphazard way of people touching foreigners and begging them to buy. Imagine good local street music playing around that place, organised shops selling Indian handicrafts and Indian food. We don’t really need to do much but a bit of tweaking that can bring more than double digit growth to India and also Indians can de-stress in their own culture in various cities.

Again looking at another aspect of quality of life - Here I also noticed how they have planned and how we are planning – their middle class houses are like what we have, just flats and small flats (the only thing is they have no security, everyone has the key to the main gate). What I want to point out here is that they have no amenities whatsoever, not even walking space in the building they live in. That’s because all the amenities are outside, walking paths, gardens, parking space etc. So they don’t really have to pay for maintenance of many facilities. Here we are going into redeveloped buildings which gives us swimming pool, walking tracks, gardens and we need to pay heavy maintenance for the same. Well in those countries it is the government who is giving you those facilities with the taxes you pay but here we pay taxes and also pay to upgrade our quality of life…. Well, well..

And of course not to forget the clean toilets everywhere. Most of them in Austria are to paid for its usage almost everywhere, even at the railway station – they actually have a counter where you pay and then enter the toilet. Well India has followed the same in some tourist destinations, but we need more revenue generating and clean toilets!

Well despite all of this what makes India attractive is its cohesiveness of human spirit, its culture, its colours, its food, its magnificent historical structures. Add to that our community culture which does not make us very individualistic (as yet) and not so lonely (as yet). Kudos to that but well we must improve the quality of our living otherwise we will be walking as half-dead human beings.