Rajan’s flashback 5 years
ago at the passport office. Why is it written now? The passport office has
changed its ways, but other government offices still function in this very
similar manner.
Rajan: Sir, Sir please I
will not be coming to work today. Sir, there is a huge line at the passport
office.
Rajan’s Boss: Rajan this
is just not done. There is so much work pending at the office. You said you
will go to the passport office at 9 am and come to office post lunch. You
should have planned your day properly.
Rajan: (Looks around the
passport office and thinks planned, how, how to plan). Sir, I had done an
online interview appointment and I thought I just had to walk in and the work
will be done in a jiffy (how did I ever think that?) but everyone in India
seems to have done an online appointment and they have called everyone at the
same time or maybe everyone’s time has merged into one, so I have to stand in a
long queue.
Boss: What rubbish are you ranting off. Can’t believe that
we all in India are wasting so much of productive labour time.
Rajan’s mother calls:
Beta (son) where are you, hot lunch is ready. You said you will come home for
lunch on your way to office.
Rajan: Mom, please keep
down the phone. I cannot come for lunch. Keep the food in the fridge. I will
have it for dinner.
Rajan’s mother: Beta,
what…
Rajan hangs up on his
mother.
Rajan: What are you
saying!!! I need to get 4 copies of my pan card. I was told only 3 copies. Oh
my God. I don’t have an extra one. What should I do?
Rakesh: (Man standing
before Rajan in the queue): There is a Xerox guy across the road. Run and get
the Xerox from him. I will keep your place in the queue.
Rajan: Ok. Thank you. Thank you so much (I now learn
that all suffering Indians help each other).
Rajan is seen running
across the road with all the papers and his files in his hand (he left his backpack
at the passport office so he could be more agile). One paper flies off. He runs
to catch it. A BEST bus, driving in its own Maharaja (King) style, on purpose, gives a
strong brake right in front of Rajan’s left hand. Rajan’s heart beat stops for
a moment. There is yelling and screaming. Rajan takes few deep breaths and reaches
the Xerox shop, panting and sweating, only to find a huge crowd there.
Rajan is pushing his hand through
the spaces between the many heads and hands at the Xerox shop. Rajan manages to thrust his paper
almost into the mouth of the guy at the Xerox counter. Finally, one copy is
thrown into his hand. He catches the paper, almost falling off the platform,
into the pavement. He rushes back to the passport office.
On reaching the passport
office, Rajan is confused on where he was standing and who was the man in front
of him. He is unable to find him. He quietly squeezes into a bit of a large
space, which he feels is approximately close to where he was standing, between 2
men he sees. There is nothing that the Indian eye cannot see. The people standing behind yell and scream and
the brawl goes on. Finally, the man Rakesh, who was standing in front of Rajan,
hears the brawl, spots Rajan and calls out to him. He explains to the people that
he was indeed standing behind him. All is quiet.
At 4 pm Rajan finally
reaches the small passport window and squeezes his set of documents through the
small window.
Tripathiji the man at the
counter goes through Rajan’s documents. Why is this Pan copy not been attested,
he asks Rajan. He throws back the paper at Rajan through the small window. It flies
down. When Rajan goes to pick the paper, the 4 pens in his pocket fall down. He
is scrambling to get them amongst the many legs which don’t move even an inch
to allow him to get them (I thought suffering Indians help each other?).
Tripathiji: Next person. This guy is taking too much time.
The man behind Rajan wastes no time and shoves his set of documents into the
small passport window.
Rajan: Sir, Sir, I am giving
the signed copy. He hands over the attested paper to Tripathiji.
Tripathiji: He looks at
the documents again. This birth certificate does not have your father’s
signature. Where is the signature?
Rajan: Sir they didn’t
tell me that.
Tripathiji: I am telling
you that. He throws the entire set of documents through the small window.
The man behind Rajan
shoves him aside and submits his set of papers.
Rajan’s best friend Rohan
is calling
Rohan: Rajan what
happened. Why are you crying? Even when you failed the IIT entrance exam you
did not cry. What happened?
Rajan explains the
situation.
Rohan: Listen. Do you know to do a copy of your
father’s signature? Just do it man. Who cares. Your father gave you birth so
you don’t have to bother. I mean your mother gave you birth with your father, but
that was your father right.
Rajan: How can I do that?
That is forgery.
Mohan: Yaar just do it. With
so much more serious forgery happening around in India, no one cares about this
childish forgery. Don’t waste time.
Rajan copies the
signature of his father as best as he can.
He rushes back to the
counter
Rajan: Sir, sir please
accept. I got my father’s signature on the birth certificate.
Tripathiji glares at him:
You live nearby?
Rajan: (very
confidently). Yes Sir. My father sits in an office 15 minutes away. I rushed
there and got his signature. (Oh Lord, I have never lied in my life. Please
forgive me). (But how am I able to lie so confidently even in my first life attempt
at lying, thinks Rajan. “Desperation makes a man confident”, that is a good quote
I must not forget to quote on WhatsApp).
Tripathiji: Ok show me
the documents set. What is this? (uttered with grimace and irritation). You
have not even clipped your papers properly. He goes through the documents for
the third time. Where is your ration card?
Rajan: (Raising his voice just a bit above normal level). Sir they said if I have all the other documents like Pan card, Passport, I don’t need a copy of the ration card.
Tripathiji: Are you
trying to tell me what is needed and not needed? You are trying to act smart
with me? I won’t accept these documents without a copy of the ration card. He
throws back the documents set at Rajan.
Rajan’s boss calls: Rajan
where is that excel sheet I asked you to prepare and give me today? What, you
do not complete it? Dare you ask me for another leave again this month.
Rajan’s mother calls:
Beta, I am so worried. At least come for tea, beta. I am worried for you. You have not eaten anything the whole day.
The passport office closes.
Rajan leaves looking like a man who has lost all his possessions and
CREDIBILITY!! Despite being a true citizen of India for the last 40 years.
Postscript – This piece
has been inspired (maybe not the right word) by the experience of friends who visited the Mumbai University
for Convocation certificates and such others, the Charity Commissioner’s office
at Greater Mumbai where they will give you an appointment and call you back as
many times they want because they feel Indians are really doing nothing and
everyone lives close by. Besides Government hotlines which remain cold lines
for days. If they pick up your call in the first attempt and after picking up,
they hear your problem, you are born under a good star.