Twisty Tale of Documents

Rajan’s flashback 5 years ago at the passport office. Why is it written now? The passport office has changed its ways, but other government offices still function in this very similar manner.

Rajan: Sir, Sir please I will not be coming to work today. Sir, there is a huge line at the passport office.

Rajan’s Boss: Rajan this is just not done. There is so much work pending at the office. You said you will go to the passport office at 9 am and come to office post lunch. You should have planned your day properly.

Rajan: (Looks around the passport office and thinks planned, how, how to plan). Sir, I had done an online interview appointment and I thought I just had to walk in and the work will be done in a jiffy (how did I ever think that?) but everyone in India seems to have done an online appointment and they have called everyone at the same time or maybe everyone’s time has merged into one, so I have to stand in a long queue.

Boss: What rubbish are you ranting off. Can’t believe that we all in India are wasting so much of productive labour time.

Rajan’s mother calls: Beta (son) where are you, hot lunch is ready. You said you will come home for lunch on your way to office.

Rajan: Mom, please keep down the phone. I cannot come for lunch. Keep the food in the fridge. I will have it for dinner.

Rajan’s mother: Beta, what…

Rajan hangs up on his mother.

Rajan: What are you saying!!! I need to get 4 copies of my pan card. I was told only 3 copies. Oh my God. I don’t have an extra one. What should I do?

Rakesh: (Man standing before Rajan in the queue): There is a Xerox guy across the road. Run and get the Xerox from him. I will keep your place in the queue.

Rajan:  Ok. Thank you. Thank you so much (I now learn that all suffering Indians help each other).

Rajan is seen running across the road with all the papers and his files in his hand (he left his backpack at the passport office so he could be more agile). One paper flies off. He runs to catch it. A BEST bus, driving in its own Maharaja (King) style, on purpose, gives a strong brake right in front of Rajan’s left hand. Rajan’s heart beat stops for a moment. There is yelling and screaming. Rajan takes few deep breaths and reaches the Xerox shop, panting and sweating, only to find a huge crowd there.

Rajan is pushing his hand through the spaces between the many heads and hands at the Xerox shop. Rajan manages to thrust his paper almost into the mouth of the guy at the Xerox counter. Finally, one copy is thrown into his hand. He catches the paper, almost falling off the platform, into the pavement. He rushes back to the passport office.

On reaching the passport office, Rajan is confused on where he was standing and who was the man in front of him. He is unable to find him. He quietly squeezes into a bit of a large space, which he feels is approximately close to where he was standing, between 2 men he sees. There is nothing that the Indian eye cannot see. The people standing behind yell and scream and the brawl goes on. Finally, the man Rakesh, who was standing in front of Rajan, hears the brawl, spots Rajan and calls out to him. He explains to the people that he was indeed standing behind him. All is quiet.

At 4 pm Rajan finally reaches the small passport window and squeezes his set of documents through the small window.

Tripathiji the man at the counter goes through Rajan’s documents. Why is this Pan copy not been attested, he asks Rajan. He throws back the paper at Rajan through the small window. It flies down. When Rajan goes to pick the paper, the 4 pens in his pocket fall down. He is scrambling to get them amongst the many legs which don’t move even an inch to allow him to get them (I thought suffering Indians help each other?).

Tripathiji: Next person. This guy is taking too much time. The man behind Rajan wastes no time and shoves his set of documents into the small passport window.

Rajan: Sir, Sir, I am giving the signed copy. He hands over the attested paper to Tripathiji.

Tripathiji: He looks at the documents again. This birth certificate does not have your father’s signature. Where is the signature?

Rajan: Sir they didn’t tell me that.

Tripathiji: I am telling you that. He throws the entire set of documents through the small window.

The man behind Rajan shoves him aside and submits his set of papers.

Rajan’s best friend Rohan is calling

Rohan: Rajan what happened. Why are you crying? Even when you failed the IIT entrance exam you did not cry. What happened?

Rajan explains the situation.

Rohan: Listen. Do you know to do a copy of your father’s signature? Just do it man. Who cares. Your father gave you birth so you don’t have to bother. I mean your mother gave you birth with your father, but that was your father right.

Rajan: How can I do that? That is forgery.

Mohan: Yaar just do it. With so much more serious forgery happening around in India, no one cares about this childish forgery. Don’t waste time.

Rajan copies the signature of his father as best as he can.

He rushes back to the counter

Rajan: Sir, sir please accept. I got my father’s signature on the birth certificate.

Tripathiji glares at him: You live nearby?

Rajan: (very confidently). Yes Sir. My father sits in an office 15 minutes away. I rushed there and got his signature. (Oh Lord, I have never lied in my life. Please forgive me). (But how am I able to lie so confidently even in my first life attempt at lying, thinks Rajan. “Desperation makes a man confident”, that is a good quote I must not forget to quote on WhatsApp).

Tripathiji: Ok show me the documents set. What is this? (uttered with grimace and irritation). You have not even clipped your papers properly. He goes through the documents for the third time. Where is your ration card?

Rajan: (Raising his voice just a bit above normal level). Sir they said if I have all the other documents like Pan card, Passport, I don’t need a copy of the ration card.

Tripathiji: Are you trying to tell me what is needed and not needed? You are trying to act smart with me? I won’t accept these documents without a copy of the ration card. He throws back the documents set at Rajan.

Rajan’s boss calls: Rajan where is that excel sheet I asked you to prepare and give me today? What, you do not complete it? Dare you ask me for another leave again this month.

Rajan’s mother calls: Beta, I am so worried. At least come for tea, beta. I am worried for you.  You have not eaten anything the whole day.

The passport office closes. Rajan leaves looking like a man who has lost all his possessions and CREDIBILITY!! Despite being a true citizen of India for the last 40 years. 

Postscript – This piece has been inspired (maybe not the right word) by the experience of friends who visited the Mumbai University for Convocation certificates and such others, the Charity Commissioner’s office at Greater Mumbai where they will give you an appointment and call you back as many times they want because they feel Indians are really doing nothing and everyone lives close by. Besides Government hotlines which remain cold lines for days. If they pick up your call in the first attempt and after picking up, they hear your problem, you are born under a good star.