Sukh Ke Sab Saathi Dukh Mein Na Koi

Everyone is a friend in happy times, no one is there in sad moments

 

Today I am remembering this beautiful song rendered by Mohammad Rafi in the film Gopi released in 1970. Sukh Ke Sab Saathi Dukh Mein Na Koi. I don’t remember the movie or the context in which the song is played. But the words have a great resonance for me today.

We all go through our moments or rather years of hardship and sorrows. Many a times in those periods we are alone to face them. Our friends and relatives may sympathise, may at times not even be aware or the reverse - they could be of great help too.

 

But we are many a times angry or depressed or sad that whom we looked at as close friends or childhood mates or dear relatives are not there during those times. We even tend to distance them later on that account.

 

I take my own account of how my close college friend, who stays 10 km away, never came and visited me when my father passed away. I was angry as she knew my father well too. But I let that anger go away after a few years and said well its ok, why take that seriously. Last year when my mother passed away, she again never came for condolences, leave that, she did not even call but messaged me asking how I am. This time I refused to forgive her whatever her reason may be. She has no reason to have any reason. I have disconnected from her completely.

 

Some other friends did not get my reasoning but for me it was very clear that if you don’t even have time for this, what is the point.

 

Last few days I was mulling over this and another incident of my close friend. Her daughter was in deep trouble one day and she saw these many whatsapp messages in the school group. She got completely disillusioned. More than 50 people in this group but nobody can help me or knows what I am going through she thought. She sent a nasty message to the effect that such groups are a waste of time and quit the group. She regretted it later and she did not understand why she did it.

 

So I am thinking that why do we expect friends and blood to be there during our difficulties or sorrow. Each one goes through his or her own and then they cannot partake in everyone’s perhaps? Or is it not hard that when I have gone through my phase of difficulty and I am happy and joyful at this moment, I need to come in to your sorrows?

 

At the same time we need all of them in our joyful periods of birthdays, marriages and so many occasions of happy get-together. Why bother if they are not there for our sorrows? Why use that as a yardstick for closeness?

 

I myself did it. I was in my late twenties when my father passed away. Many  relatives from my father’s side never called later to ask how we are doing, are we okay. They did not come to meet my mother later on. Yes most of them live outside Mumbai but they could have called. Fortunately we didn’t really need them as we were emotionally and financially great. But I refused to attend many functions on this account. What’s the point I told myself. They don’t care. Why should I go and laugh with them.

 

I ask myself today why not laugh with them? Why expect them to partake in our sorrow? Why? Or must they?

 

Its similar now when so many school friends and childhood mates connect, more so because of whatsapp. We don’t even know each others lives and problems and sorrows of the past, maybe even the present ones. But we recollect the fun times we have had together over several years and it is good to have that social and community feeling back again.

 

Well Sukh Ke Sab Saathi Dukh Mein Na Koi.